Gone for 75 days...

30/10/2013, wed

Jie had gone for 75 days.. I miss her badly.. Yesterday I had this dream.. I dreamt that I was warded in hospital and diagnose an unknown illness.. Mummy is with me crying along, bro is not there, xiao gu family is there, Edan is there playing with me and the most important thing is Jie is there taking care of me.. Its too real that I had the texture of everything.. Jie helping me to adjust my bed and taking toothbrush for me to brush my teeth for sleep.. When I was in the toilet after brushing my teeth I suddenly vomit blood out in the basin... Lucky no one saw it.. This is what I wanted.. I rather everything happens to me not Jie... 

Jie, I miss you badly...
This year is the only year my tears drop the most...
Almost every night my tears washes my face...

"Jie, how are you? Are you happy at there? When can I join you?"  

my tots..

30/05/2013

Jie had warded for nearly 2 weeks. nearly breakdown infront of her. saw her pain really makes my heart bleed. 以前别人发生事情我都会很轻易的说别担心要坚强但发生在自己的身上别人说别担心要坚强,要我这么做真的很难. Still got 1 more week to our trip to bangkok. will it be as usual or something change? hope everything will turn to be normal. since i know jie's doc told her she got 2 to 5 yrs to live this news, i really want all of us to have more time with her. 

God, please take this bad dreams away from my family.
I really willing to replace with my sis to have the illness.


her illness noted on end of july.
till now nearly going to be 1 yr.

A promise with her.

27/09/2012


Last week sat, i go visit my sis.. She aready shave off all her hair.. Though that she will look very pale or restless but I'm all wrong. She is so energetic and doesn't look pale. We sat down and chit chat talk about food, travel and wad to do in future.. She told me once she recover she will go Taiwan with my sis-in-law for 2nd honeymoon, so sweet.. She also told me she misses sushi and so i told her when she recover i will accompany her eat sushi, eat her favorite food. From now till her recovery i wont eat sushi till then and that is our both promise.


* 姐，我会等你。所以你一定要好起来。<3

120829

120829

Recently something bad happen to my family. Still remember on 10/08 I just celebrated my birthday with yong, ah mei and velin. Tot this yr having a special celebration and end up really they give me a very special at a atas restaurant having dinner and still received a very nice birthday present bag. But this only last 1 day of happiness. The following day i received a bad news from my sister-in-law, my sis had diagnose with breast cancer. I almost faint, how should tell my mummy? when i told mum, she tot i joke with her but after she realize i was telling the truth she break down. i was totally lost. When i reach office i search for all the news about this breast cancer. there are lots of different types and stages. I ask my sister-in-law what my sis had and he told me is stage 4 and that time i really totally break down and lost. what should i do and how i tell my parents with this news. yong told me that i must be strong and take care of my sis but how i can be strong? i did blame the god, i pray hard for my family members and end up this happen on me. but still i never give up. i still pray hard the ask god for replacing the illness to me instead. i tot i will be strong enough to face my sis but every time i saw her in pain i feel like crying and hug her. i know i shouldn't cry in front of her so i endure and keep telling myself i must be very strong at all times but just ytd i visit her in hospital she suddenly in pain and having fever my hearts break and feel like crying again but i cant. i keep asking why god treat my family members so unfair, why treat my sis in this way? she had a family with 2 small kids and I'm all alone why just cant this thing happen in me?

Please hope she really recover soon.

I'm willing to replace her with the illness my sis had.

How long should i act to be strong in front of them?